What is up with job application questionnaires?

As I have just moved to Portland I find myself looking for a day job and within that search…I have discovered that job application questionnaires are the freaking weirdest things! I was awkwardly chuckling to myself the entire time I was trying to fill them out. (I suddenly just became aware of how uncomfortable the people sitting next to me were. Oops. )

So let me just give you the rundown of this one in particular that cracked me up. So I was applying to be a house keeper and they gave me a list of basically a professional “Would You Rather” game. It was about a hundred of these:

*Fake but accurate example*

I like eating children—-agree—–mildly agree  *   mildly agree—agree— I suck at cleaning

So basically, I’m sitting here like…neither of these options help me out getting the jobs nor are either of them true. So like obviously I choose “mildly agree” on the “I suck at cleaning“. Mostly because I AM STRONGLY AGAINST EATING CHILDREN, lmao.

Mind you, you’d think in this situation there would be like a middle ground “No, I don’t participate in either option.” or at least a comment box that you were allowed to explain yourself. But no. There is not. So I just applied to a HOUSE KEEPING job and clicked I sucked at cleaning because they left me no choice. They set you up for failure or crime.

They also set you up into are you a robot or do you suck at your job, but your nice categories. Which makes me feel weird because I am both nice…and decently capable at working. Here’s an actual example:

I am sympathetic to peoples needs and care about peoples feelings—-agree—-mildly agree  * mildly agree—-agree—I let nothing get in my way to succeeding in my goals.

or (real example) neither options are particularly good and you’re like…”Okay I guess.”

I don’t understand emotions–agree–mildly agree * mildly agree–agree–I can’t motivate myself.

I guess the point of this is: if you are are going to make a survey in this format make the two options 1.) relevant to each other or 2.) opposites (ex. motivated or not motivated). Because no matter how the people going through that survey slice it…I look like either 1.) a terrible person or 2.) a terrible worker.

Pray for me. Pray that they see through the horribly thought out survey and see that I actually have both the ability to work and be considerate of others.

If you have had any weird job application experiences let me know in the comments. I need the support emotionally.

That’s all for tonight kids,


Featured photo is old but relevant. I call it “Job Applications”

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